My Brother’s Back Hair Is So Long He Could Donate It For Wigs

February 20, 2010

My brother eats lucky charms. Not the cereal. Real lucky charms that he steals from little kids.

My brother spends his Saturdays with a fork wandering the highways searching for fresh roadkill.

My brother saves his finger and toenail clippings in a coffee can for a secret project he won’t tell us about. Occasionally he lifts the lid for a lingering whiff. I’m wondering if there really is a “secret project”.

My brother owns every record you’ve seem advertised on TV. His favorite is Zamfir, Master of the Pan Flute.

My brother goes to Walmart and pokes babies when the parents aren’t looking. Now you know why your kids mysteriously freak out at Walmart.

My BFF and I once super glued my brother’s toothbrush to the bottom of the bathroom drawer and he didn’t notice for three days.  This one’s true.

Who needs a jersey when you can just shave your name on your back?

Updated by Mayo:

Oh, truthy, ay? K.

Apryl ate a roach once. I think it was just a leg.  I ate poop when I was 2.  My wonderful sister watched the whole thing happen rather than try to save her little brother from ecoli poisoning.  Nice. (That was going to be her ace in the hole. Boo ya! I stole that one from her.)

One of these days I’m going to pay someone to chase her so I can get a shot of her running.  Now that’s some shit you have to see.

My sister has more back hair than I do, and it’s all braided.  It kind of looks like Predator lives in her shirt.

I’ll be back with a photo.  Food calls.






  1. Ahh,the true ones are the most disturbing.

  2. Are y’all actually kin to Chewbacca? What’s with all the fucking hair? I don’t really care if you ate the missing link because o think you both fucking rock either way. Sending much love and obviously much needed Nair your way, misty

  3. This is in very poor taste, which is what makes it awesome.

  4. MY EYES!! Why did they have to see this???


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