Archive for March, 2010

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Watching Tom Cruise Have Sex With Your Dad is Awkward (and so is this title)

March 11, 2010

By Apryl’s Antics

It’s 1983 and who the hell is Tom Cruise? I didn’t really care because my dad was taking us to the movies to see “Risky Business”—a teen movie!  My dad never took us to anything without Clint Eastwood in it. This was an anomaly of monstrous proportions. Was he visited by the three ghosts of teen empathy?

So, we’re in the theater and Tom is dreaming about the naked babysitter and I’m okay. Then Tom’s parents are going on vacation and leaving him in the house alone and I’m still fine. Then Tom does his Bob Seger dance and I feel better because watching a guy lip sync in a shirt and underwear is good, clean family entertainment. After that, Tom gets a hooker and I start to get nervous. They do it on the stairs, which is kind of awesome and horrible at the same time. Then comes

the TRAIN SCENE  and I’m wishing I could climb up into the screen and throw myself on the tracks because my parents and my 10-year old brother are there next to me and all I can think of is that they’re wondering whether or not I know what is actually happening and if I’ve done this sort of thing (even though they don’t have subways or commuter trains in Florida) and do I have SEX and how often and when did I start and do I use protection and am I a hooker or a slut and is it time for an all girl boarding school or prison and how can I get out of here or will myself to spontaneously combust and then my dad actually says right there in the theater, “WHERE’S RODNEY DANGERFIELD?”

So there you have it. My father thought he was taking us to see “Easy Money”. I’m not sure which is worse.

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Happy Birthday, Sis!

March 1, 2010

Updated by Apryl’s Antics 3/3/10:  I have a pretty awesome husband. He had arranged for a sitter to arrive after the kids got home and told me to be ready to leave. We hit the road and headed towards a little sushi restaurant we haven’t tried, yet. It was still daylight and I wasn’t ready to eat, so I suggested we stop by one of my favorite stores to do a little browsing….Goodwill. Yes, I have a profound love for thrifting. Here’s why:

I found a wicker, two-handled purse! What a birthday!

But wait, there’s more. I also found this:

A two-handled purse with elephants!

If only I could combine the two. But, you can’t have everything. And Mayopie, I bought the wicker one. It’s mine. You can’t have it.